yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
