$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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