She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
