I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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