please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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