look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
