Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
