do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
