I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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