I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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