I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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