made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
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This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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