I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
