cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
