Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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