Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im six kinds of drunk right now
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
