The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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