You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
