Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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