Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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