Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
