I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
