TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
