She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
17 year olds will be the death of me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
