I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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