Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
