after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
