plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
