I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
