you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
