i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
