I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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