I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
