Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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