Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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