I'm really into asian looking animals
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
