i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty