But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
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mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.