I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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