I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
