I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
