is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
