watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My vagina just clenched in fear
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