im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
