he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
