That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
and you said cock pushups were impossible
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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