My friends, they love my intelligence
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
