I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
