1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
