dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
