I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
