Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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