i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
