Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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