Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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