Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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