she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
