My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
