I have demons in me.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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