so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
