I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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