If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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